Is the Church too Feminine Today?
I was reading a very interesting article yesterday in a certain magazine about missions and church growth, and the article was about the how so many churches are below average when it comes men attending and getting involved. This particular article that I read put forth the idea that our churches have become too feminine and too soft for the typical man. And one does have to question, when so many other religions do not seem to have a problem drawing the masculine side of the population, why are we, as Christians, having such a hard time?
The author of the article mentioned a couple of examples of how we have become too feminine. First, most churches and services seem to be focused toward Grandma and all the ladies, not only in decoration, but also in the style and planning of the typical service.
Second, pastors seem to focus way too much on the soft empathetic side of Christ. Week after week, we present this soft, loving Jesus. What about Jesus' masculine side? Like driving out the money changers from the temple with whips and dying on the cross, taking all the beatings without uttering a word. The author even grieved over the praise songs that are so prevalent... songs he calls "Jesus is my boyfriend" music.
Finally, he mentions how we have subtley changed our terminology to be more feminine. For example the very bold and masculine, "Follow Me!" has become "Come have a personal relationship with Me." Who is that going to draw quicker... the typical man or a lady?
I want to know what you think! Do you think the typical church is too feminine, too soft? How might you make it different? Please Comment... I'm very interested in what you have to say.
18 comments :
I agree w/ you... but I also think that the church has become so feminine because men wont step up. Women have to do SO much in the church its no wonder its so feminine.
Who leads most choirs that dont have music ministers? WOMEN...
Who plays the organ.. WOMEN... who plays the piano.. WOMEN... who decorates the church WOMEN... who teaches majority of the sunday school classes... WOMEN... The only classes women dont teach are adult men classes because they think if a woman teaches a man their age or older that they arent submissive enough or something... (I wont get into that tho)...
Who teaches VBS classes... WOMEN unless its the rec. part of things.
I mean women do way more it seems in a lot of the baptist churches Ive visited than the men do.
The men might be the deacons... but when anything is voted on in the church... who makes up the majority of the vote? women :-)
So its no wonder LOL.
I did like the way my moms church was more masculin... not only in how the Pastor preached... but also the decor of things... and the leadership of the worship.
To bad it cant be like that in most churches.
So what do you think we should do about it? ... :-\
It is very feminine, but Drea is right. Women do a lot of the leg work for churches almost everywhere. It may need to be changed to encourage more men to get into things. I think that if men took charge and did some things, they might be happier and who knows what may happen. Best of luck and can't wait to read others thoughts on this.
Drea does have a good point. It's sad but very true. Women have become more involved in the devlopement and the sustainment of a church. I never even realised how true this was until I read this post. Growing up I only remember having women as teachers in Sunday school or VBS. It wasn't until I started to volunteer in the children's ministry that I saw a rare male role model appear but sadly later disappear. This happend man time during the 9.5 years that I was involved. Our non-involvement in these many aspects of the Church has cause the Church to develop it's femininity. So until we as men decide that we've had enough of it and take a more active role in the leardership in all aspects of the Church it will remain that way.
Drea..
You definitely have a point; women certainly do more in the week in, week out functioning of the church. Sad... but true.
Nicole and Wyldjoker...
Yep, you are right, until men decide to step up and start taking leading roles, things will probably stay the same. I guess we just need to pray that God will really get hold of more men in the church and compel them into action. Other than that, all we can do is to continue to teach and encourage.
I once heard someone say regarding men and women (whether in homes or churches), the greatest temptation that women have is to take the leadership role... and the greatest temptation for men is to let them do it.
hi, travis. it's not so, really, with the church i belong to. both men and women play significant roles in church whether in decorating, music and in other areas as well. we have activities prepared for both men and women, for married couples, for singles and for kids. the preparation for that is being done by a team composed of both men and women. we have male pastors and female sunday school teachers.
but in some churches i've attended before, i could say it's more feminine. women tend to do most of the leg work. i guess from where i am, there are churches which are more "feminine" and there are others who strikes a balance.
Pia...
That's great, and really I think thats how it should be. Thanks for commenting.
For the church as a whole, I definitely agree with you, but I also agree with Drea. Men need to step up.
I think part of this has to do with the opportunities available in the church. For example, most churches in my denomination have a group called the "White Cross", where people (women) get together to sew/knit/crochet blankets, sweaters, bandages, etc. for 3rd world countries. How many men want to take up knitting? Or there are opportunities to lead Sunday School classes for the little kids, a role that is traditionally female. Not very "masculine" activities.
I used to go to a church in which the guys would get together frequently to go hunting, or at least go to the firing range. Now THAT'S a guy thing. How many churches have guys who get together and do masculine stuff, like (for example) hunting, rock climbing, go-cart racing, sports leagues, etc.?
This reminds me very much of the whole "dating" issue in the church. Women are searching for a "knight" who will sweep them off their feet, who is masculine, who will come and rescue them, who will treat them like a cinderella...
As a church, I think we (specifically the men) need to step up and teach the guys how to be guys.
Tidy...
Well, I definitely agree with you.
And yes, I think you're right.. I don't know many men who are going to take up knitting (myself included)
Thinking about something masculine to get involved with... I've heard of a church that did mission trips... only their mission was to smuggle guns into Islamic countries so that the persecuted Christians could at least defend their families. Talk about a real masculine activity!! :)
The last two churches I attended had a nice balance and you could tell there was a difference. It's nice to see men stepping up and taking initiative when it comes to leadership roles but I agree that it's the women who want to step up more often. I think it's essential for a church to find that balance because the body of Christ needs all its parts to function properly and effeciently. The latest thing for the men in our church is a Sunday morning teaching series called "the warrior" which sounds so interesting even I want to sit through it.
PS: Jesus throwing over tables reminds me of hot-tempered latin women. It doesn't even register as a "manly" thing. :)
Becrall...
I totally agree with you, and its refreshing to hear several of you that say there is a nice balance of men and women in the churches that you've been involved with. And that series called "The Warrior" does sound interesting. Can you get me more information about that? Is that something the pastor did or was it a published series that you could buy?
p.s.I can see what you mean about the throwing over the tables, but knowing that Jesus was perfect and without sin assures us that it was not simply being "hot tempered" but was a righteous indignation and zeal for His Father's house; i.e. it was not only necessary, but it was also the right thing to do.
I thought you might be interested, so I asked for a copy of the first of four series today. It's in CD format and I can copy & mail it out to you if you're interested. I don't think it's published, but rather just what our associate pastor had to share with the men of the church. Funny, he opened it up with the same question as this post. Must be a hot topic.
Travis I meant my little Jesus and latin women comment to be humorous. Of course I know what Jesus did wasn't a flash of temper but rather a zeal for his father's house and also as a fulfillment of prophecy.
I think the men in our church are rising up. We just completed a project of replacing our roof (right Travis), and it was a blessing to see our men work together to accomplish such a large task. This type or work really fit for many of these men and the work they are called to do.
I think it is importanat to look at how God created men and what he has called them to do. He has called them to lead our homes and our churches. We have to be willing to let them.
I see women all the time that try to run their homes and the church. They push men aside so they can run the show. It is sad to see that type of role reversal.
As far as playing the organ and piano, that takes years to develope and if the man was not encouraged to learn at about the age of 6 or 7, to take lessons and continue for years, he will not have that skill. Many men take band, but gor some reason not those particular instruments. In the past we did have a man named Steve that played the organ and piano and he was so talented. He moved away and is dearly missed.
I think our present Pastor was brought to our church to help rise up our men and help them believe in themselves. I have seen men step up, grow and get involved as a result of his ministry and encouragement.
The more I "let" my husband run our home, the more he does. It is such a relief and he is a good leader. It is sad to see the way men are "pushed" out of this role in the home by dominating women. He always includes me in decisions.
As far as the service, we need to gear it more towards our men. The pastor needs to speak as he feels led, and the women need to take less offence. We have women in our church right now that are offended by our Pastor. I tell them he here to help minister to the men and to be grateful because he is doing a good job. He doesn't offend me.
The things the men do as a group in our church (like fishing) interest me but I am told I am not allowed to go. Oh well,....ha ha.
I would like to see more men teaching the younger people. My husband doesn't feel ready or called to teach at this time. I do and love it, but God specifically called my to teach.
As we put God first and thus let our men serve as God calls them, maybe our church will rise up with strong male leadership! There is nothing more beautiful than a Godly man.
To conclude, Pastor's should not have to apologize for preaching as God calls them. The Word it "The Word of God" and it is what it is. God said it, and it should not have to be sugar coated as to not offend the women. Let the Holy Spirit have his way!
I pray that God has his way with our men.
Absolutely is has become too feminine, and it seems to have been that way my entire life. Men would never light a candle at a superbowl party, nor would many of them ever listen to organ music. they would not choose to dress up on Sunday Morning, nor would they be as ceremonial about anything as the church seems to be today.
The churches that are thriving and growing are very much more masculine. They are casual in attire, normally the music will wake you up and not put you to sleep. The biggest difference I think is growing churches are speaking to the problems people are dealing with in their lives. Marital issues, forgiveness issues, money issues, etc... in stead of lighting candles week after week talking about procedure and protocol and doctrine.
When men here solutions to their problems and those solution come out of the Word then men find their way to intimacy with Christ. Intimacy with Christ will never come to me by lighting a candle.
The churches that are doing this are growing and the feminine, doctrinal, churches are dying quickly.
Phil Cate
Hi Phil,
Thanks for reading. I agree with you 90%... everything except the doctrine issue. I do believe doctrine is very important, b/c what we believe absolutely effects how we live. What we believe about God... Christ... Salvation... the church... etc. In my opinion, you can't really teach Biblically and give application about "real" problems without the proper exposition of Scripture, which is where our doctrine comes from.
I agree with you I'm 17 years old in the last year of high school and i find that in ouryouth group on bible study night i am usally the only guy there and on activity the guys usally outnumber the girls so doing activitys to attract guys to the church usally only attract them for that activity and they lose intrest after it. anouther issue that repels men are the music espessaly the music sung in church which is way to feminine "we thank you we praise you we love u" is one of the boringest songs i have ever heard yet it is frequently sung in church and songs that have a beat never sung you never hear current music ever in church even though we have capable drums and guitar players because the woman would complain expesaly jesus freak they would find it insulting and find all ways to shut it down
I have 'stepped out' of church for a time because I cannot abide the weepy, whiny Christ that Pastors and Evangelists project. Too often the altar-call is a sappy affair, and the hugging and touching that strangers impose on each other is nauseating. I imagine King Jesus to be a warrior, a leader with strength and courage, as well as the only One who can show perfect, sacrificial honor. He is not anything but our Master and Lord, who saved us with an obedient heart towards His Heavenly Father. It's not necessarily the abundance of women that makes the church what it is, but rather the message given by soft-palmed, bookish, metro sexual clergy that initiate a gag-reflex from the average man....Just my opinion. RR
Hi RR,
Dude, I definitely hear your spirit and I agree that sometimes we do present a sappy love-affair type of relationship with Jesus. I've even began again recently to really evaluate how I call men to come follow Christ. Because when you read the gospel, he didn't invite men to a relationship... He said come follow me. So, I definitely understand your frustrations.
But at the same time, I would encourage you NOT to leave the church. Or at the very least, find another church where the Word of God is preached and God is exalted. God's will for us to be in local expressions of his body. Even when churches are not perfect, we're still to press on. Perhaps you could go talk to your pastor about it. Open up a discussion, start a conversation about these things that you're thinking about. But don't walk away from the church completely, that doesn't please or honor God either. Take care and God bless you!
Travis or P.T.,
That ship has already sailed.
RR
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